Every few weeks, I share provocative ideas about culture, consciousness, and creativity, alongside beautiful artwork, in my newsletter. I also host the Hurry Slowly podcast, teach online courses, and practice energy work. Learn more at: www.jkg.co
Is vulnerability cool? 🤔 💗 😎
Unfortunately, many people don’t think love is cool. Including me, at times. Take a moment to really contemplate what you think of as “cool.” Do you think being tender is cool? Do you think being vulnerable is cool? Do you think being open-hearted is cool? When you tell someone you love them for the first time, is your primary worry that they might think you’re too cool? At least as far as my own conditioning goes, what is considered "cool" seems to be much more strongly associated with aloofness, detachment, flawless style, a kind of untouchableness. Sunglasses, cigarettes, a casual lean. James Dean. When we talk about “playing it cool,” we’re not talking about running out and declaring your love to someone — quite the opposite in fact. When we choose to “play it cool,” we are operating from fear. Fear that we will trot out all of our enthusiasm and our affection and our love, and that it will be rejected. Well, I don’t know about you, but I am not interested in operating from that kind of fear anymore. In a newsletter from last March, I contemplated the question: How can I operate from love rather than fear? And I am still meditating on this question, because choosing love (over fear) again and again and again is a deep practice — especially in this moment of polarization, chaos, and anxiety. In her novel The Future, Naomi Alderman writes, “Imagining bad futures creates fear, and fear creates bad futures.” If we allow ourselves to operate solely from a place of fear, we are cooperating in dreaming up a future that will reflect that fear. We have to expand our imaginations — to experiment with asking ourselves, in each moment, how we can operate from love rather than fear. In a recent interview, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez talked about her reaction to the release of the January 6th insurrectionists and the new administration’s role in that release, saying: I’m not going to give them my fear… [it’s] like this monster that feeds on our terror, and what they represent are people who eat fear, they sustain themselves on anxiety, and I’m not going to give them that. These people need cynicism, they need apathy, they need chaos, they need anxiety. And the more we give them that, the bigger they get. Later, she goes on to talk about her Puerto Rican heritage and how essential it is to find joy even in the darkest hours: There’s almost this idea that you’re not allowed to be happy in the U.S. when there is suffering going on… [But] when you actually look at people who are enduring some of the deepest, most brutal regimes — they are sometimes the most conscientious about cultivating happiness, joy, gathering, music, dancing.
And so [what] I want people to know is… you’re allowed to be happy... You are allowed to cultivate joy. In fact, you need to, because our job is to build the world that we want. And if we do not allow ourselves to gather with our friends, to be happy, then we are not reminding ourselves of why we’re doing any of this. We cannot be joyless people.
We must begin to embody — and radiate out — the energy we want to see in the world. In other words: It’s time to make love cool again. 😎 So that’s my tender, vulnerable, earnest, totally corny Valentine’s day message to you: Let’s make love cool again. And you can start today. Rather than asking yourself at the end of the day: How productive was I today? Ask yourself: How loving was I today? Ask yourself: How much did I support and encourage the people I care about today? Ask yourself: What are all of the loving things that I am holding back on saying? And then say them. We don’t have to put limits on our love. And it doesn’t just have to be about romance. I tell my friends and my dear ones I love them all the time. As one of my wisest teachers tells me: True power is the free flow of love. What are you waiting for?
LINK ABOUT IT A pep talk from Ezra Klein: Don’t believe him. Tricia Hersey: The power of the attempt. Anne Lamott: The resistance will not be rushed. Austin Kleon: 100 quotes that helped me write. Erotics of Liberation: Your inner child is the most political part of you. A moving interview w/ AOC: I’m not going to give them my fear. Rebecca Solnit: We are not who they think we are — how human nature matters in this emergency. From the Hurry Slowly archives: The importance of uncertainty, a conversation with Mark Epstein. For all my Valentine’s Day singletons: True love finally happens when you’re by yourself. Prentis Hemphill’s self-love playlist. Link ideas from: Kottke and Jennifer Brown.
Website: jkg.co Copyright © 2025 Hurry Slowly LLC, All rights reserved. Mailing Address: Want to change how you receive these emails?
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Jocelyn K. Glei
Every few weeks, I share provocative ideas about culture, consciousness, and creativity, alongside beautiful artwork, in my newsletter. I also host the Hurry Slowly podcast, teach online courses, and practice energy work. Learn more at: www.jkg.co
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